I meant to get this post out last night but I got really tired and crashed. Happy Halloween!

Exactly one week ago, one of my professors called me out in front of my entire class for having no friends. After calling on me to give my answer for an exercise asking about the eye color of one of my best friends, I had to reply in French. I stumbled on a word and she had me break it down in english. “So who’s your best friend?” she asked me. I never knew that such a simple question could cause such a controversy in my mind. I paused for several seconds, scrambling to find the right words. I began to take so long that my classmates turned to look at me, anticipating my response. I knew who my best friend was of course, but for some reason, all I could think of was: Will they judge me because my best friend’s a guy? They won’t even know who he is- he doesn’t go to this school. Why am I overthinking everything? You need to just say his name, why is this such a problem for you? For God’s sake, make something up if you’re uncomfortable, no one will know the truth. Breaking the elongated silence, my professor said, “Really?” in a very sarcastic tone. Now the whole class was staring at me for sure. I was humiliated. Flustered, I answered, “Uh… his name is Jared.” I’m sure my response sounded made-up, but only I knew that it wasn’t. That’s what killed me. “Okay, so what color are his eyes?” she asked me. “Brown… I mean, marron.” “Très bien! Alors…” she replied, beginning to talk about something else. For the rest of that class period, I felt mortified. I was overthinking the whole situation.

On the way back to my room, I tried to come to terms with it in attempts to make myself feel better. I never understood why it was a bad thing to not have a best friend. I’m sure there are plenty of people who don’t have a best friend or didn’t have a best friend for most of their lives, like me. Why is that so shameful? Sure, I had plenty of friends, but none that I considered a best friend. I had my own definition of what a best friend was apart from society’s definition. To me, a best friend is someone who I trust wholeheartedly, love to absolutely no end, and someone that I care very deeply about. It’s someone who knows me forwards and backwards, upside down, inside out, in every way. A best friend is someone who would never judge me for the person I am and will always be there for me no matter what. Most importantly, it’s someone who I can share the deepest darkest parts of my life and past with, as that makes up somewhat of who I am. That’s what a best friend is to me. Growing up, I never had someone in my life that fit all of those descriptions. I love my friends and I care deeply for them of course, but I never considered one of them to be my best friend until I met Jared.

I never understood why extroversion was the social norm. I’m very introverted and to be honest, I could stay locked in my room forever and be perfectly happy. I could easily spend the rest of my life by myself and have absolutely no problem doing so. Society has made it the norm that having a ton of friends is “cool” and knowing a million people makes you popular but to be honest, none of that means anything to me because the way I see it, most of those “friends” are fake anyway. I’d rather have very few real friends or be alone than to have a million friends who don’t give a damn. That’s why the joke is on my class for staring at me when I blanked because they may think I have no friends, but actually I do (and real ones, at that). Plus, I have the bestest friend in the whole wide world. And I wouldn’t trade either for the universe.

He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harms. – Proverbs 13:20