The title of this tea time is very near and dear to me because it was in the running for becoming a book title for something I’m working on. Obviously I decided not to go with it, so I figured I’d dedicate it to this tea time instead. As a matter of fact, it’s quite fitting for today’s topic.
Now I know you all are probably quite sick of hearing about the Coronavirus. You probably got annoyed just now that I even brought it up on here. It seems that everything now is just the virus, the virus, the virus. I can’t even go on my Instagram to look a meme and laugh a little without the meme being about the virus. We’re constantly reminded through news channels, YouTube videos, and even outdoor walks that we have to social distance and wash our hands among many other things. I mean, even the game I was playing on my phone yesterday (which, by the way, has absolutely nothing to do with the virus) incorporated the pandemic somehow. It’s truly a dark, strange time- one I never thought in a million years that I’d live through. But here we are. So with that, enjoy this tea time.
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to be an adult. I should say, more so the transition. It’s difficult living on your own for so long and then being forced to come back home under a different set of rules. Being 20 is so liberating but there’s so many things that I also can’t do yet. They say college is the best time but for me, it feels like the weirdness and awkwardness of going through middle school and high school but instead this time on an adult scale. As much as I’d love to find my own place and decorate it myself and take all my stuff out of my mom’s house, I have no money to do so. I want to travel and start a job but without my education, it simply isn’t possible. When I was in high school, I used to hear people tell me that you’re going to go broke in college and that finding a job is hard and you actually have to study but I couldn’t fathom that being absolutely true. I figured it had to be only the people that weren’t responsible that suffered from these things and that the silent majority of college students didn’t feel that way. Boy, was I wrong. It hits us all, some worse than others. I have to keep telling myself I’ll be okay and that this is just a super weird phase in my life because after all, nothing lasts forever.
Dating too, is hard. In fact, this topic could be a whole separate tea time by itself. I’ve struggled for a long time trying to make myself okay with dating, especially as I come into adulthood. It’s not easy by any means. Societal stereotypes (specifically put on women) have made me think of myself different when it comes to dating. However, over the past year or so, I’ve been really making effort to change my thoughts. I’m not as wild as I could be at all. In fact, I look like an absolute angel compared to most college girls. I like the way I live, which is why it becomes difficult for me to accept that going out and meeting new people and having fun is okay. I feel that it’s what I should be doing at this point in my life. Having come out of a relationship recently (that I knew was going to end sooner or later), I’m trying to take advantage of my freedom. I grieved it and spun it into a positive- I know what I need and deserve now. There were several nights following that breakup that I forced myself not to re-download the dating app that I was on (where I met my now ex) because I didn’t want to risk liking someone again, and so soon. But of course, anyone who knows me would know that my curious side is a strong one so I went against my own will and re-downloaded it, only to see what was out there. I deleted it and re-downloaded it about 5 times in that period. It wasn’t so much that I was actively looking, but rather something to pass the time before I’d go to sleep. I ended up matching with one of the 2 or 3 that I actually liked out of several hundreds that I didn’t, and we became friends. This summer I hope to go on a friend date maybe, and for sure this fall since we will be at the same school, that is, if this darn virus would give life back to us. My conscience gets anxious over this kind of stuff because dating is different when you’re stuck at home, and I was always really concerned about what others thought of me. But I’m trying to change that, starting with myself.
There is nothing wrong with meeting new people. There is nothing wrong with seeing what’s out there. There’s nothing wrong with generating new friendships, even if it isn’t necessarily in the most traditional fashion. I’m slowly becoming comfortable with adulthood and everything that it constitutes because truly, I believe this is the time that I thrive. I’ve been waiting literally my whole life to be at this part I am right now, and if there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that I don’t want to regret anything in 10 years when life is really hard. Through my faith in God, I choose to trust myself and my happiness and that’s all okay. We’re all going to be okay. Xoxo, C.
“I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.” ~ Psalm 27:13
Tea Time with Caroline 