As we all know, everything has been a little weird right now. Restaurants, shops, schools, churches, and even some doctors offices have been closed. Life as we know it is no longer. That isn’t to say that it won’t be again, but for now, we’re all stuck in a dark hole as it seems. As much as I am an introvert and rejoiced when I was made aware that I will be forced to stay home, I too have been struggling to find things to do and actually want to leave my house for once. However, online school and playing an occasional game of wii fit has kept me busy, although I’d like to hone in on my creative side a little more. I have plans to write a book, write some songs, sing on my Instagram, read my Bible a little more, and really get to understand myself. I’d been begging for this time for a long time and now that I have it, it’s not quite what I expected to say the least.
Just a couple days before the beginning of spring break, I was asked by my mother to FaceTime her. I knew it had to be something exciting because my mother never asks to FaceTime me, but rather I’m asking her. Upon arriving home from the library, I quickly set my stuff down and took my jacket off and proceeded to call her. She had a bittersweet expression upon her face. My excitement began to die as I quickly realized this was not good news. That was when she told me that my grandmother had passed away very early that morning. I didn’t know what to do or how to feel. I practically went numb. I shed a couple tears but couldn’t fully grasp the reality of the news I’d received. I got through the rest of my week trying to ignore the elephant in my mind so I could get home and process everything. I ended up flying to Texas the following week for her funeral. That’s when everything really hit me. However, I found great joy in knowing where she was now and I knew she was there with us then. I also take pride in knowing that although she wouldn’t say it out loud, I was low-key her favorite grandchild.
Later that week after arriving home from the trip, I found out that I wouldn’t be returning back to my college apartment to go back to school, but rather to move out because of the coronavirus. I was happy about this compared to most college students then but after being home for a while now and as the acceptance date to my transfer school nears, I’m a little sad. There were people I wanted to say goodbye to, people that made my mostly lonely and somewhat miserable time there a little more bearable. Unfortunately all I can do now is send a text or risk the virus spreading if I try to send them mail. The hope is that I will see them again this summer when a lot of this craziness clears up and things are slightly more normal again.
Just when I thought the weirdness of life as we know it now couldn’t get any weirder, it was decided upon my boyfriend and I to break up since we figured we’d be better off as friends. We still love and care for each other deeply, but not having the routine anymore is strange. The worst part of it all is that I can’t do much to get my mind off of it. Google always suggests to go get a hair cut, hang out with friends, take yourself out for a nice meal. If quarantine wasn’t in place, maybe I could. Maybe God wants me to think about this one or be forced to keep my family around me during this tough time because He knew I wouldn’t be able to handle it quite the same if I were away from them. I’ll never know. But I am thankful. It’s interesting to think that prayers and self-care allowed me to be okay with trusting and loving my now ex, and the prayers and self-care are also going to help reverse that in a sense.
I’m excited for April and I will continue praying for the world as we get through this sickly, dark time together. Remember to hold what matters to you close since it seems that we are all constantly so caught up in ourselves and our lives that we fail to breathe. Be thankful. Be kind. And love. That’s all I will say. Love. We all know (some more than others lately) that we could lose what we love at any time. Lastly, keep hope. There is light at the end of this tunnel. Xoxo, C.
“When I shut up the heavens so that there is no rain, or command locusts to devour the land or send a plague among my people, if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land. Now my eyes will be open and my ears attentive to the prayers offered in this place.” ~ 2 Chronicles 7:13-15
Tea Time with Caroline 