This will probably be my last Tea Time before the year ends so I wanted to end it by writing a little bit about the main message I’ve taken away from every up and down of this year. I wouldn’t say this year was terrible by any means, but I wouldn’t say it was great either. However, there were a few moments this year that really taught me a lesson and helped me see the bigger picture of certain relationships I had, the inner circles of extracurricular activities I was involved with, and the true meaning of growth.

As I believe I did in last years’ Tea Time, I’m going to run down the highlights of each month this year but before I do that, I would like to elaborate on the main message of this Tea Time, otherwise exhibited in the title. Letting go- what I learned to do when I lost my best friend; what I learned to do this summer when I thought I still loved someone but deep down knew I was just lonely; what I learned to do when I got ghosted by someone I thought for sure would stick around; what I learned to do when my grades this past semester turned out terribly while everyone else around me boasted about theirs; what I learned to do when I began to feel myself getting depressed over a mystery illness I’ve been suffering from for the past 2 and a half months; what I learned to do when I handed my anxiety and worry to God; what I learned to do when I had mental breakdowns questioning the authenticity and sincerity of my relationship and fought myself falling for someone genuinely interested in me. I’ve learned that the only thing keeping me from making new memories is myself, and as my boyfriend once told me as we resolved a conflict, “Remember Caroline, it’s not me versus you. It’s you against yourself.” That hit me hard because I never heard anyone say out loud what I know to be true deep down but refuse to acknowledge. I’ve let go of expectations. I’ve let go of envy and jealousy. In fact, just a couple days ago I deleted my spam Instagram account. I don’t want it anymore. I don’t want the ties to toxicity. I’m letting go of social media in 2020, or at least going to cut back on it a lot less. That’s probably my main goal. Now onto my 2019 annual monthly breakdown:

January: auditioned for a show choir and succeeded.

February: began my first long distance relationship which lasted a month because I knew in my heart it wasn’t right and got handed a flower by some random kid on the campus shuttle bus on Valentine’s Day.

March: interviewed for an internship with a state senator (and found out in August that I got the job).

April: dated a guy for three days who I thought would be long term and ended up breaking up with me for “not being Christian enough” (after going to lengths to come to my debut show and meeting my entire family).

May: moved out of the dorms (FINALLY).

June: took my first online class and aced it.

July: Revisited the Kennedy Center for the first time since performing there and moved into my first apartment.

August: suffered from great social anxiety after moving back to school and began to pray and talk to God a lot more.

September: met and started dating my now boyfriend whom I’d been talking to online over two weeks prior.

October: Went to a pumpkin patch with my boyfriend and contracted my mystery illness.

November: Went to my first military ball and met his parents and turned 20.

December: deleted all extra (and also mentally toxic) instagram accounts I’d been holding for over two years and celebrated the most calming and quiet Christmas I’ve ever had with family.

I hope 2020 brings health, confidence, happiness and success. After all, 20 is my lucky number. Being 20 years in 2020? Sounds pretty lucky to me. Farewell 2019.

“Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well.” ~ 3 John 1:2