Month: November 2018

I know Thanksgiving’s practically over, but I still wanted to wish you and your families a Happy Thanksgiving! I also recently turned 19 so I am so excited to start my last year as a teenager. Bring it on.

Because I’m in the holiday spirit, I just wanted to write this teatime in honor of what I’m thankful for. And no, I’m not going to bore you to death with the same old, “I’m thankful for my family and friends and life” because I know how old that gets. Fast. Don’t get me wrong though, I am very thankful for those things. Alright, here we go.

Since I’m home for the holiday break, I’ve gotten to take in a lot more of what home is than just a typical weekend like the ones I’ve spent here in the past. I’ve seen past the walls and the blankets and the good food. There’s a bathroom close to my living room that always has this fragrance that fills its air and reminds me of the weeks following my graduation. It smells like June. It’s sweet and has this homey accent to it. It’s the kind of smell that makes me want to shave my legs and throw on some shorts and a t-shirt and watch pointless shows on TLC while the sun shines through the window and I can hear lawn mowers going. It clears my mind of all worry and reminds me of a time when I felt successful and accomplished, which isn’t what I’ll feel for the next several years until I can rest again in June. Ah yes, I call that smell June.

There’s something about the water pressure in the shower of my bathroom that is unlike any other. I know that whenever I feel water raining on me at a different pace, I’m not home. Although my shower is small, being surrounded by those four white tile walls so closely makes me feel safe. I always turn the water to a warmish-hot temperature no matter what the weather’s like outside. That’s where I’m comfiest. It reminds me of being wrapped in a blanket on my bed, cozied up in my pajamas and writing a teatime or watching a youtube video. Thoughts like that then motivate me to finish up my shower so that I can do those things (and not jack up my mother’s water bill).

Sitting in my room, I find it odd now to look at and be surrounded by the things that I “used to know.” I know it belongs to me, but my mind is so far separated from the girl I was a couple months ago that it doesn’t even seem to look familiar to me. College really does change a person and I’m in the middle of loving it and hating it. I’ve seen a lot of old pictures of me recently and now I kick myself over why I ever complained about having too much work to do. Adulthood really is a slap in the face. But you know what they say- knock me down seven times, oh you know I’ll get up eight.

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever. – 1 Chronicles 16:34

Wowza this teatime is really late but because we’re nearing Thanksgiving break, I’ve been slammed with work. Also, Happy Veterans Day (as well as to my true heroes, my parents)!

All throughout high school, I would constantly tell myself that I was ready for college simply because I had always felt that I was more mature than my peers. I struggled with this even in middle school. I’ve always been fascinated with adulthood even though all I’ve ever heard about it was negative things. Now I understand why.

Lately I’ve been going to the gym a lot. I finally worked up the motivation to start living a healthier lifestyle. I see what I’ve been missing out on now which is a lot for me to say, as a person who doesn’t like to exercise, nor do I on the regular. It only took one time for me to be motivated enough to go to the gym, and the rush I get afterwards has definitely been enough to bring me back every weekend. I feel reborn.

In a recent trip to the gym however, I was working on my 3 mile cycling workout when two other boys who I’m sure were older than me sat at the machines somewhat further down in the row in front of me. I was at the pinnacle of my workout. I look over at them to see one of them turned around, staring at me. He began to chuckle. What was so funny? He said something to his friend, sitting next to him. Before I knew it, the other boy turned behind him to stare at me too. I glared at both of them. They both looked at each other and started laughing. I would expect this kind of immaturity from middle school girls.

This is just one of many incidences that I’ve ran into since starting college that changed my view of adulthood, more so, the level of maturity coming from students who are legally allowed to drink. It blows my mind. It’s honestly worse than high school. They say no one in college cares, but apparently some do. I will never for the life of me understand how it is that high-schoolers are more mature than college kids. I don’t go to the gym to look cute or impress someone. I go there to benefit myself because of my newfound love for working out and all the positive things I gain from doing so. So laugh at me when I look hot, I dare you.

With God we shall do valiantly; it is He who will tread down our foes. – Psalm 60:12

So this weekend since I’m catching up and also getting ahead on my homework, I decided to let y’all enjoy a poem I wrote about two years ago. I assume that you have figured out that it is called Finally.

The lock that bound my heart to your ego,

Is the same one that you promised would stay closed.

I took your word and clenched it in my fist,

An act of love, I suppose.

The further time pushed on, the more of you I knew.

I felt moronic for believing it was too good to be true.

It’s not that love doesn’t exist or that you got bored,

It was simply because you got used to the fact that I always had the short end of the sword.

Almost a year later, I found the golden lock.

It was still closed, and I was going mad wanting it to stop.

So on a February night, I took a tool and attempted to unlock it.

After a couple turns, the handle shot up like a rocket.

Suddenly, there was no more attachment to you, I was finally free.

I didn’t feel the need to run back anymore, that I would normally.

You weren’t always right but one thing remains true:

The day that the lock wasn’t secure anymore was the day I stopped loving you. ~

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. – John 8:36

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