This morning I was looking at the pictures hanging in my dorm of my family, friends, and other significant people in my life. I always grin when I see them because I am reminded of my home, my happiness, and my comfort. But when I saw them this morning, I specifically focused on how I appeared in all of them. For some strange reason, I saw a different girl in each picture, yet she looked similar to the last. She was real in all of the most refreshing ways yet there was a false vibe to the picture itself. In one picture, she’s wearing a beautiful purple prom dress, and in another she’s wearing a floral print off-the-shoulder top, and in another she’s in a sweatshirt on FaceTime with her best friend. Who was she really? There has been a constant struggle between the girl I see in pictures and the one writing this blog. The one in the pictures is changing and growing into a person that gives the one writing this blog a feeling of uneasiness. The little girl writing this blog wants to pull her back and ask the other if she remembers her and if she’ll take care of her and the one in pictures says “Of course I’ll take care of you, but only behind closed doors.” This was something I didn’t understand about myself for a long time. Why would I tell myself I’ll be there but then hop on FaceTime or do my hair and makeup and put on a pretty dress and act a fool? I wanted a consistent identity. I wanted to be myself at all times and not feel sorry. To be honest, I missed the girl I knew before. I wanted to pull her into those pictures but I didn’t know how. It began to bother me so bad that I started to invite her to hang out with me. I spent a lot of time alone listening to music or writing and I found that when I wrote, she spoke through my words. I loved her. People that I knew could tell I wasn’t how they knew me before and some of them left me but I came to a conclusion- they weren’t meant to be in my life if they can’t accept me. The ones that stayed were the real friends I had, the ones that still stay by my side to this day, even though we’re 123 miles apart. Tonight as I look at my pictures once again, I see her. I see the same girl in every picture, and she’s beautiful in every setting.

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. – Romans 12:2