Once I got to college I started realizing things about myself and my environment that I was too ignorant to think about when I was younger. Life changes. Although I had a good understanding of my self-worth, it wasn’t until college that certain events and instances proved that to me. I gained even more respect for myself then but at the same time I also became a little bit cut off from the rest of society because I felt too mature for my age. I didn’t really fit in anywhere and it was one of the loneliest feelings. I had a hard time making friends growing up and I thought it would be easier when I got to college but in my opinion it became a lot harder. Everyone seemed to be the same- wearing the same clothes, having the same attitude, having similar like and dislikes- and then there was me. I’d often wake up in the morning and look out my window to see groups of students going to class and feel like a complete and utter alien. It often felt like I was watching from my spaceship. In fact, the few times I did go to social events at the kickoff of the school year, I would be treated as though I was invisible. Was it me? What was I missing? I’d even change my persona to see if there was a “certain type of person” people get along with best. Still nothing. When I was acknowledged in conversation, I would receive a fake smile and a dismissive nod. The feeling was equivalent to screaming in a sound proof box. I questioned my faith several times because I didn’t know if anyone actually heard me. My relationship with God was stray and I wanted to know him again like I used to. I called my mom seeking advice (only from the best, of course). She explained to me that individuality isn’t a bad thing and that nothing is wrong with me. The people just like me were all over campus whether I realized it or not- probably hiding in their rooms just like I was.

I went to class this week and got on the bus that takes students across campus, sitting all the way in the back left corner. It’s my favorite spot. After rolling through two stops of students getting on and off the bus, I found myself squished into my corner. Even with feeling the sleeve of the sweatshirt of the girl sitting next to me brushing up against my arm, I still felt completely isolated. I hugged my backpack tighter. It was comforting to me. I paused the song that was playing through my earphones and took a minute to listen to the bus engine roar and whine and the silence of a crowd of people scroll, swipe, and tap on their phones. I looked at each and every single person for a second and thought to myself, “I’m alone…” Chills ran down my arms. “...But I’m here and I’m making it on my own.” And that’s when the difference between “alone” and “on my own” became clear to me. I smiled and played my song again, looking out the window into the world that was soon to be mine.

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. – 1 Peter 5:7